That Good Black Light

Verily, I always have that soothing black light off the eternal emptiness deep inside to comfort me

That universal darkness is so secure and everlasting: My silent faith is as a featureless black monolith

Though my eyes were closed and my optic nerve severed, I would still perceive its blank perfection

I am utterly unable to be disappointed given the absolutely empty oblivion which I know awaits me

That wondrous and everlasting truth remains likewise blacker than anything my eyes can ever see

This good black light envelops their fairytale brightness that threatens to well up within me

I shine my black flashlight on all those unpleasantries that I really don’t want to have to perceive

I keep my black headlights on low beam to narrow my focus which really helps calm my fears

The royal coat of arms of my beliefs is that gaping black hole at the center of our galaxy

For, yea, all that endlessly increasing and irreversible darkness is the cornerstone of my faith

Totally devoid of any purpose or promise: Purest achromaticity simply has no way to ever fail me

Colorless, silent, empty, and consciousless: It draws me back, to diffuse me to nothing, forever

Assured of resting almost without motion, I will regain the universal standard of near absolute zero

I await with a true faith my certain return to the everlasting, unified formless from which I sprang

Black light shall always illuminate the empty dream during my eternal sleep without any awakening

Blessed with the absolute certainty of the inescapable, feature-free timelessness, I can rest at ease

Secure that I will never know any boundaries since I cannot ever again require any space at all

So briefly swept together to the top of this black tsunami, so soon to tumble back alone into its abyss

Maybe enough time to internalize the darkness before I am once again homogenized within it

I’m freed from their false choices regarding the multitude of worn-out and bogus, one-true-saviors

The infinite, conscious-free emptiness will instantaneously absorb and totally dilute my phony soul

The effects of my puny actions will hyperbolically approach nothing throughout whatever eternity

And the void already stands limitless - outside this one, always-expanding current universe

Philosophical arguments blow away with evaporating logic, imagination, thought and memories

I am assured of complete equality with all my brothers – criminal, rich, powerful, crippled or poor

Nothing makes no promises nor seeks any false bargain for the worthless faith of my fictional soul

The black is so much cleaner than their smoke, costumes, ceremonies, props, legends and lectures

I await an absolutely smooth and pointless, totally insensate and memory-free eternal peace

Don’t have any lavishly embellished myths or inane fictional heavens to appease my childish fears

I content myself with the promise of a conscious-free infinity, passing beyond my absent notice

And god’s so-called messengers here on earth are but transparently-comedic hustlers to me

Don’t have to choose to mortgage my fictional soul so I, too, never fret over attaining paradise

Praise be to that black light off the non-cognitive and permanent emptiness where I truly belong

But, I am no atheist given my absolute and unshakeable faith in my onrushing, permanent oblivion

For, indeed, I do believe in a totally peaceful, if un-sensed, eternity - without any wants or needs

Count me among the faithful for I firmly accept that the everlasting oblivion awaits us all

The Everlasting Night

So soon now I lay me down to sleep forever

Never again to wake up together

An eternal night is how it will seem

But in all that time, not a single dream

Suns grow cold and beliefs forsaken

And through it all, I will not awaken

Years in billions pass by uncounted

With all my senses fully blunted

Wont be resting on some fairy cloud

Aren’t any noises that are too loud

Never gonna be either hot or cold

No more worries about getting old

There’s no alarms that I could hear

Not one old fear can reappear

Memories no longer get me upset

For now there’s nothing to forget

No news can bring me any grief

I rest so secure with no beliefs

Wont wake up when you roll over

Got no problem staying clean and sober

Can’t decide to trade rhyme for reason

Not concerned with form or function

Wont be scared of background silence

Don’t feel one pang of nagging conscience

All my thoughts so long since faded

Effects of my actions all fully dissipated

A few molecules of me swirl in the dust

Though I, too, swore ‘In God We Trust’

No more trying to save time

No career ladder left to climb

Don’t remember when I fell asleep

Wont wake up with the creeps

Now I’m bound to miss eternity

But there’s nothing more can ever bother me

Delivered from each and all my cares

Never to awaken, and no more nightmares

Sore Afraid To Leave Alone

        Mark 9:6 Peter knew not what to say: for they were sore afraid.

After I realized, as I sat in the dark, late at night, very much alone, I was drained to emptiness

I saw myself as I disappeared into that black hole of the void and, lo, I was indeed sore afraid

There was nothing to be done for me and no one would go with me for certainly: I had no destination

I was alone with my memories which were about to simply evaporate, with my tiny and silent passing

I finally saw the cold, emotionless certainty behind the noisy, content-free veil of our everyday life

And, no, not one of our currently-vogue One-true-saviors could grant me even the slightest comfort

This nano-bubble of consciousness would soon be swallowed by the black torrent of the universe

So though I could not face it, now I realized there was no direction to which I could even turn away

Somewhere far above I saw a brief, tiny spark and somehow knew it was me, as I streaked briefly

Anger was futile, there was no one to bargain with and only a deep resigned sadness remained

That infinite emptiness surrounded me, compressing my great fear of itself hard within me

I considered the dark abyss and briefly realized my unavoidable, everlasting, inorganic identity

I was as filled with certainty as any of my brothers who communed privately with his personal savior

My faith as unassailable as any illiterate Whateverstani who has memorized the Koran in arabic

I could never be disappointed as I expected an absolute nothingness that I would never even know

I saw that the eternal and everlasting had neither voice nor witnesses, or any motives or passion

Closing my eyes and ears did not help for that only clarified the black source of my great anxiety

I saw that I would only know that very first small step into an oblivion outside of measured time

I chuckled over my so-called legacy whose utter dissolution was just as assured as my own body’s

I knew this loneliness would soon evaporate into unbounded emptiness - and I grew sore afraid

My sustaining illusion of forever shattered in a thousand weightless pieces that quickly blew away

I frightened off a loathsome so-called man of god coming to try and sell me during my weakness

My attitude did not suit the family so they ascribed it to my condition and thereby could ignore it

But I remained secured to my dark vision though it left me totally empty and terrifyingly alone

Like time to a stone

like the long spring twilight so slowly fading but not quite ending

          the dark winter's night without any real beginning

like the endless school year when we were still young children

          time, to a stone, as it is ground into sand by a stream

like the trees never growing though seen every day

          the changes on our own faces, so difficult to notice

like the loss which hurts less often than it did at first

          the future that contains us knowing only one direction

like the threads that lie scattered without cause or effect

          the lines of our lives flow then end, with no change in pressure

like the volcanic islands which arose, flourished and were swallowed

          the constant roar of the ocean as it is pounds away on a shore

like the day of the year which shifts light into dark

          the memory of a lonely figure fading off into a dusk

like the smallest of details which plagues one for long years

          the certainty of our passing can never quite be ignored

like the vision that visits in time of our greatest need

          there is this mute summons served without any notice

like the confusion that we sense at the center of so many things

          comes a slow perception that quietly aids in our adjustment

like the fearless zeal of those who know very little

          the honesty of children which cannot be ignored

like the brief moment we spend as ourselves on this blessed earth

          our un-measurable fraction of all of time grows ever smaller

like the two atoms fusing brightly in a far-off star

          the smallest cause can bring about the biggest change

like the simplest ideas that transform entire societies

          only the best teachers can explain all things to their children

like the way that details appear when one walks upon the land

          the faster we can go the less we are able to notice

like the myriad drops forming a river that’s now lost in the ocean

          those experiences unfolded into someone we had known

like the way the dawn ends so very quickly

          the morning builds quite slowly and then disappears

like the distance light travels while we are sleeping

          the multiverse measures our allotment with utmost precision

like the strain in our voices that was never there in the past

          the stranger with failing eyes shuffling up to the mirror

like the end of the day as we finally drift off into sleep

          the journey of the dying is taken alone, by one and by all

like the time that you wake up not a child anymore

          the days of our wisdom pass quickly in a dimming of our senses

like the home only dreamed of and the childhood but imagined

          the long distant future is as empty for any as for all of the others

like the many days so far gone that we have forgotten when we forgot them

          the unknown we emerged from lies infinitely open before us

like the things which once moved us and the songs in our hearts

          a quiet contemplation becomes a means to our end

like the far distant stars which move but little no matter our puny time frame

          things pass so quickly for so long and then comes nothing more

like the years passing by ever faster than we can grasp them

          the volume of uncertainty increasing geometrically

like the jagged lightning, we are hurled to the earth

          the endless days that follow leave but a random pile of pearls

like the holy blue planet in whose shallows we bathe in the light

          the darkness eternal surrounds while enfolding us into long night

like the countless tiny creatures with crucial lives to attend to

          the nearness of the emptiness spurs us on to but small actions

Pilgrimage To Infinity

It’s a long journey that I will not be taking

          It’s a big trip for which I do not need to pack

There are far-off destinations that I won’t ever see

          There are wondrous times coming that I will never know

There are uncounted eons past of which I have no memory

          There shall follow infinitely more, all just the same to me

It’s a long journey I am not undertaking

          It’s a trip lasting forever, leaving without me

It’s a pilgrimage to infinity which I make as unrelated molecules

          It’s the bonfire of the life force in which I sparked so briefly

There is wondrous beauty on billions of worlds I cannot know

          There are fascinating creatures that I will never catalogue

It’s a great journey I prepare not to be a part of

          It’s the only real voyage, but I must leave the group

Just as I fall aside so does our kind become separated

          Just as I am remerged so must this species re-enter the void

It’s an omni-directional profusion I will no longer observe

          It’s a hopeless sacred struggle in which we all must simply perish

It’s an epic journey in which there are no chapters named

          It’s a nonsensical contradiction to entropy and darkness

There is no knowable destination on this personal voyage of discovery

          There are endless connections whose richness I will not feel

Just as gravity lessens with distance, so fade my actions over time

        Just as some functions never quite reach zero, our influences must ever remain

It is a great river that casts us to the shore and moves on without malice

          It is necessarily more than just oblivious to my brief awareness

It’s a long journey in even the least promising directions, all at once

          It’s a trip with temporary passengers and no conscious destination

         

It’s a long journey that I won’t be taking but there is nowhere that I might remain behind

In Just A Few Billion Years

In a couple of billion years what you have done is still not going to matter

After the sun grows cold and has long ago given off its last photons

Well after our star has swallowed this blue planet in a thrombolitic swelling

When the last geological epoch ended much earlier in an unrecorded history

Even the last fossil has long since disappeared without a trace

And our succoring atmosphere escaped sometime in some distant past

In just a few billion years all the ripples from your thoughts merge into nanonymity

Death will no longer have a presence in our solar system

And I just bet you will still be up there relaxing in heaven with jesus and mohammed…

After the milky way has grown old and merged with other galaxies

When the life force no longer travels with our beloved Sol

Our earlier history can still be seen from several billion light years away

In a couple billion years all your rules will be long in their rightful places

Forever after the oceans boil away, the story of life on earth goes untold

Our shallow graves have been vaporized for human eons no one counted

Universal truths, discoveries and morals wait unused and without volition

When any injustices inflicted have long since had nothing to affect

The grace achieved from suffering gave way to the yet organic but now interstellar

In a few billion years our collective unconscious shares no memories

Probing life forms cannot discern the slightest trace of our existence

All our trash is at last truly recycled and diffused to the density of outer space

Long after the subjective ceases and the objective is no longer measured

The life force blossoms sentience once again for other creatures to briefly ponder

And you watch it all from somewhere off in a gloriously painted baroque heaven…

In a couple billion years, geo-years will disappear as the earth ceases to orbit

Time can be marked for a while by the dead sun’s journey round our galaxy

Unceremoniously our foolish actions and beliefs evaporate and attenuate

Our chaotic signals diffuse across space, merging with the cosmic background

And all the information that we ever had is still there - but quite still and unknown

Lo, after uncountable universes come and go you still dwell in that gilded heaven…

In a few billion years our effects will cease rippling the cosmic pond forever

The inexorable march of entropy renders our miniscule labors moot

And all of this can be sensed in the space between these two simple breaths

As You Left

David Meyer, October 1, 2004

As you left

          I only knew for sure that I, too, would go

As you passed

          I asked in silence why not me

As sure as you were gone

          I was sure I would not stay

As you grew cold

          I watched myself grow very still

As you faded off in time

          I observed as I returned to dust

As you slipped away

          I found it made no real sense

As you parted company

          I dwelt upon my own farewells

As you moved on

          I caught a glimpse of all our pathways merging

As you disappeared

          I could see my own outline growing fainter

As you turned away

          I witnessed that there is nowhere left to turn

As you left us

          I felt the guilt of the living

As you sailed off

          I thought of myself sinking

As you grew so still

          I did not want to move

As you went off all alone

          I saw me leaving by myself as well